Little T Trauma vs Big T Trauma
What Is Trauma?
Most people believe trauma only applies to dramatic, life-altering events; a car accident, assault, or abuse. These are what we call “Big T Trauma” and they’re the origin of PTSD. But trauma is far more nuanced than that.
At its core, trauma isn’t the event itself, it’s the wound created inside us as a result. When an experience is too overwhelming for our nervous system to process, it triggers fight, flight, freeze or fawn responses as survival mechanisms.
Dr Gabor Mate talks about this in his book “The Myth of Normal”.
This understanding led researchers to recognise a second, often invisible form: Little T Trauma. This occurs not when something bad happens to you, but when something good doesn’t; when a child isn’t loved unconditionally, accepted, or emotionally seen. Because nothing “bad” visibly happened, most people dismiss it. Yet over 80% of people carry this form of trauma and its impact on the nervous system is just as profound as Big T Trauma.
One off horrific events e.g. car accident, rape, armed robbery, physical, sexual abuse, workplace abuse, bullying can all cause Capital T trauma. PTSD comes out of Capital T trauma
The average person thinks they don’t have trauma because these horrific events didn’t happen to them. But most people do actually have trauma, 80% of the population actually have some form of little ‘T’ trauma as estimated by Psychiatrist and Author Dr Bessel Van der Kolk.
Trauma is what happens inside us when we are affected by events that are too much, too soon and put pressure on our Nervous System.
The Nervous system can’t handle it. It’s on overload and so we go to fight or flight, freeze or fawn as a way to try to survive. The Nervous System in some cases, becomes Hypervigilant. It stays in a constant state of alert for any signal of danger. Stress hormones of Cortisol and Adrenaline (fight and flight) continue to be released into the body and the brain.
So there’s an element of danger that can be lots of abuse (Big T) events for a person that can happen in a home where a child is beat up, Mum is beat up, sexual abuse of the child, their siblings etc… But there’s now what we call little T trauma – and this is where it gets REALLY subtle…
Little T trauma is when Something good SHOULD have happened to you but it doesn’t.
BIG T trauma is when something BAD happens to you.
Little T trauma is the ABSENCE of something good happening to you. So a child SHOULD be loved unconditionally, a child SHOULD be accepted for who they are, a child SHOULD connect, a child SHOULD be able to be AUTHENTIC, but we’re not able.
The child’s emotional needs are not being met. That’s trauma, that’s Little T trauma. That’s the result of neglect. This can manifest as parents simply being “too busy” to be present with their child…. Being there, meeting needs like food on the table, clothes washed, homework help but NOT PRESENT with the child due to a very busy and overwhelmed mind for the adult carer.
How Trauma Shapes the Brain:
Trauma doesn’t just affect how we feel, it physically changes the brain. When we sense danger, the brain releases cortisol to fuel our fight-or-flight response. In short bursts, this is healthy. But in ongoing trauma, cortisol never stops and it begins to cause damage.
One key casualty is the Corpus Callosum, the bridge connecting the brain’s left and right hemispheres. This bridge links the details of a memory (stored in the left hemisphere) with the emotions attached to it (stored in the right). When damaged, people experience memory gaps, emotional flashbacks without context or the ability to recount events with zero emotional connection.
Trauma also keeps us locked in the Limbic Brain – our child brain – which operates on instant gratification, emotional impulse and fear. Without proper development of the Cerebral Cortex (our adult thinking brain), people can remain emotionally reactive well into their 30s, 40s, and 50s. Add cortisol-induced brain fog and our capacity for clear, reasoned thinking becomes significantly compromised.
The Prisons We Build Without Knowing It:
The long-term legacy of Little T Trauma is the invisible belief system it creates. A child who reaches for connection and is met with rejection learns a devastating equation: authenticity equals pain. From there, the mind builds its own logic:
– I must be the problem.
– I am only valuable if I achieve, look a certain way or serve others.
– Love must be earned; it will never just be given.
These beliefs become subconscious programmes running silently in the background, shaping adult relationships in painful ways. Common patterns include fear of abandonment (which paradoxically drives away the very people we love), self-sabotage (destroying good things before hope can hurt us again), and fawning (making ourselves small to earn love, setting up unequal relationships ripe for dysfunction).
The cruel irony is that the coping strategies that kept us safe as children become the very things that harm us as adults 20 to 30 years later, we’re still running the same survival programmes in circumstances that no longer require them.
The Path to Healing:
Healing from complex trauma is possible but it requires patience, safe people, and a whole-brain approach.
The first essential ingredient is safety. Trauma cannot heal in an unsafe environment and connection with safe people; though terrifying for those whose trust was broken early is the most powerful medicine available.
Traditional top-down therapy (providing the thinking brain with tools, insight and information) is valuable, but not sufficient. When someone is deeply triggered, they can’t think their way calm. This is where bottom-up approaches become essential: calming the nervous system through the body first.
Access Bars, Breathwork, Somatic Trauma Release, yoga, Tai Chi, tapping, art therapy and movement all help regulate the Limbic Brain and restore access to clear thinking.
Reprogramming decades of subconscious beliefs takes time, typically 6 months to 1 year of consistent, conscious effort. There is no quick fix. But with awareness, self-compassion and the right support, the prisons built in childhood can steadily and surely be dismantled.
This type of “Big T” or “Little T” trauma has developed as an adaptation and cannot be relieved in just one session. It takes time for the hypervigilant mind to relax enough to feel safe to let go of this level of trauma.
Access Bars is a Biofield Therapy that relaxes the Nervous system and shifts it from the Sympathetic Nervous System (Fight and Flight) to the Parasympathetic Nervous System (Rest, Digest and Restoration). Slowing down the brain waves, the body begins to feel safe. It is a bottoms up therapy as it works to regulate the Nervous System.
If you would like professional help in reducing your allostatic load, get in touch with me for a free consultation on Zoom! – Connect by replying to this email, sending a text to 0483 941 963 or feel free to hop on my website and use the Website chat here
Relieve Anxiety with Access Bars
– Anxiety Gone – Welcome Confidence –
Zane relieved his Anxiety with Bec and Access Bars, hear his story in this 1 Minute Video.
Zane struggled with Anxiety all his life, particularly with his university studies and especially at exam time.
He committed to traveling from Brisbane (an hour to clinic, an hour back) to attend regular sessions on weekends during his last 2 years of University study on a student income once he met me and graduated with confidence, finding his voice and ability to express himself clearly.
Say goodbye to Anxiety. Walk into confidence & clarity like Zane has.
Book an appointment now, and let’s assist you on your journey to releasing Anxiety; stepping into confidence; finding your voice and ability to express yourself clearly